Have you have ever seen a turtle draw back into his shell, hiding from whatever is out there? I feel like I have drawn back into mine in the past week or so. I have been at a stand still with the blog, trying to figure out what to write in regards to running.
All the effort and progress we made in the first month I feel like I have lost in the past week and a half, nearly two weeks now. Two Wednesdays ago I was sick with a horrible headache and a nauseated stomach, so we didn't run. We also decided that it might be a good time to take a small break because Nick had been enduring shin splints that he couldn't shake - making runs painful and hard to bear. That break turned into a lull and any gain in strength and feeling physically fit, I have lost. I know it's there, I know I can gain it back faster because we have been training for a month, but I am having a challenging time getting back into the routine of it. We ran this past Wednesday, planned on running Friday, but chose not to due to the fact that I didn't get home from work until 11:45pm and had to be back at work at 7:00am. Saturday, Nick worked a double and so I decided to go for a run by myself. I made it through 25 minutes of 30 minutes of our training. The whole workout that day was yet again, a mind game for me; conclusion drawn from that night - I'm not meant to run by myself, or I seriously need to figure out how to run by myself and not psych myself out. Nick believes I need to try running with music and see if that will help me -- just need to look into an armband for my ipod. Today we are scheduled for another run, just waiting for Nick to wake up and we'll head out.
As far as feeling physically more fit, aka feeling more self conscious this week, I have eaten like crap and feel like I am physically back at where I was before we started running. I noticed that since we haven't been keeping up with our program everyday, I have eaten like crap. Making poor choices in what I snack on and how often I have snacked. I ended up going back to the store on Saturday and stocked up on fruit again, hoping to make better choices. Just stuck in a rut and I need to jump out of it.
I think the hardest part of facing these past two weeks is the fact that in running I had received so much encouragement by those who I was also encouraging, and I feel like the last two weeks have been a let down. I haven't wanted to write about my struggle because I want to believe that I haven't struggled and that I am getting through it; I wanted to believe that I am not sinking back to square one. The more I think about it though, the more I realize I am human and I will have moments -- as I have written before in this blog. I am not, by any means, perfect, and there are days where I am fighting. But as I had written in an earlier post, I think we need to feel these challenges and have these moments where we realize our weaknesses and our strengths. These challenges will teach me what I am capable of and where I need to improve. The temptations shine through it and I only learn what to watch for next time I might go through a trial such as this. So through this, I just hope that I bring some encouragement through my trial. I feel like I have had many, but I haven't lost it all. I'll regain my motivation and endurance.
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