I discovered this article in The Knot [the nest] magazine and found it funny more than any thing else. Have a great weekend everyone!
You've done it. You've taken your relationship to the next level and you moved in together [are married]. Since I'm an expert at, well, everything, here are my personal tips for domestic domination.
1. Farts are the great equalizer - A lot of couples are afraid to play the butt trumpet in front of each other. Big mistake! You're living together now, guys; nothing is off-limits. Nobody likes to hold it in just because their partner is within the blast radius. So the sooner you start lettin' 'em rip, the happier both of you will be. Plus, farts are funny. You guys will get hours of merriment cutting them in front of each other. For maximum fun: Try closing the windows.
2. When the in-laws dropped by unannounced, go clothing optional - Show them whose territory it is right away. They should follow the rules. You do in their home. They should in yours. If they insist on keeping their old people clothes on their old people bodies, fine. But you are going to let it all hang out, my friend. Until they leave. And don't come back.
3. The best housewarming parties involve fondue - The more fondue, the better. All kinds of fondue. Cheese, chocolate, ham. Yes, ham fondue. It's melted ham. Doe that sound disgusting? You bet it does. No matter -- the point is that you've moved in together, and if your friends won't eat a little melted ham to celebrate your love, then they're not your real friends.
4. If you don't like what the other person is wearing, swear at them -- That means, when you're about to leave the house, and you totally hate the outfit they have on, the right thing to do is say (in a quiet, soothing voice), "What the f*** are you wearing?" Then just stare at them until they change.
5. When you can't agree on what movie to see, compromise wiht a stupid movie about a stupid couple -- She wants to go see that stupid movie about those stupid girls who talk bout their problems and cry. He wants to see that movie about those stupid guys who battle some stupid monsters who want to eat the planet. The perfect compromise is to see that stupid movie about that stupid couple who move in together and everything goes horrible wrong because they don't itemize the bills and she has this stupid eye mask she wears before bed and Zach Galifianakis plays his best friend and then everything works out at the end because they realize that even though they're both stupid, they're actually perfect for each other.
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