Spreading my wings.

Sometimes it's good to dwell in peace, to allow yourself to have time for yourself. To think deeply if one chooses to, to not think at all, to miss something or someone, to feel, to hear your heart speak. I think about people around me, people who surround my life, who love me, who care for me. People I love and care for. I think about how much each individual means to me. I think of my fiancee. I think of our yesterday, of our now, and of our future. I think of how my hand feels in his, how my heart feels safe with him. I have forgotten what it is like to be with out him and fear that a day with out him could come. I fear that I could lose him, or anyone close to me. I don't think about these things to be depressed, I don't want to dwell in thinking that anything can happen and who is here today, can be gone tomorrow. But in these thoughts I find how much I truly love him, how much I truly love the people that surround me. I take advantage of time, I fall into my routine and habits. Life isn't a routine, it is an adventure. Each day is a new day, a new chance or opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you, to spread your wings and fly. A baby bird hobbles to the edge of his or her nest and takes a plunge, flapping their wings as hard as they can in hope of climbing into the sky. What if we treated each day as just that? Hobbling to the edge of our nests and flapping our wings as hard as we can in hope of soaring into the sky. We can hope and dream. We can believe that we can achieve and have strength. We can love and be loved. Four years ago I took a chance, I hobbled to the edge of my nest, my security, and I took the plunge. The man I am marrying April 2, 2010 caught me. I am flapping my wings as hard as I can each day to achieve all that I can. To be who I was created to be as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend, a care worker, and much more. I am spreading my wings and flying. I am creating my yesterdays, my nows, and my future.

Timeless.

I had the privilege of modeling for Liz today in her Regency hair fashion show -- she created a classic 40's updo and I felt timeless.

Wedding Ideas

I think this blogspot will become a place for journaling about my life and ALL that it includes. So that may be thoughts and ideas, things I am annoyed with or overjoyed about. This also can entail wedding planning ideas. I come across ideas that I really like and want to remember, I scribble it down where ever I can...and then I lose the receipt or bill envelope that I scribbled it down on. So maybe this will work? Here's to an idea that I really like: Hanging Mason Jars --- candles verses flowers?

Might require some patience and the enlistment of help, but if we [note: Nick hasn't seen the idea yet] planned ahead they could be done.

They might look really neat hanging from pews with bouquets in them? Or at the reception??? I love the cozy feeling of incorporating vintage [correct word?] into the wedding.

http://www.intimateweddings.com/blog/flower-diy-bouquets-in-hanging-mason-jars/ [ideas and photos from this website]

Rain Again.

It's rainy again today. What's up May? April showers bring May flowers? I guess my car is getting a free carwash :). I woke up late again this morning, woke up to a text at 7:45am, thank goodness. I have to leave for my staff meeting in a half hour and my knees are killing me for some reason. I slept well last night and yesterday was a good day at work. The girls were in a good mood for the most part. Some of them were dealing with everyday emotions but with some love and care they can make it through to the end of the day. Some of them can't wait to go to sleep so that the day that they are having, if bad, is over and they can start afresh the next day. Sometimes I know I feel like that. Sometimes I feel like that for a whole week. Just wishing I could go to sleep on a Sunday knowing that I have a whole new week ahead of me and new footprints to put down. Every day is a new day, a new day to leave behind the old. Sometimes that old carries on with us, sometimes that old is hard to slough off but when we let it fall, oh does it feel good. We aren't meant to carry heavy weights. Our bodies are so sensitive to what we do and what happens to us. Our bodies pay attention to our pain and our hurt. And when we don't listen to what we really need, what our hearts really crave, we become old really quickly. God calls us to walk in freedom and in peace. His yoke is easy and burden is light.We are called to lay it all at the feet of the cross and leave it there. When we are carrying our burdens around for so long, I think we become comfortable with them. Our weights become our security and our hurts, our blanket. How do we remove these, allowing ourselves to trust and walk away believing that we have the ability to walk strong in a new comfort of freedom? And how do we use that freedom?

Rain.

It's 10:00am on May 11, 2010 and it is freezing outside. It's raining and miserable. Nick is sound asleep and I am trying to sum up the motivation to get ready for the day. I am bringing him back to Holland and I'll be off to work at 2:30pm. We spent the last day and a half together; I long to have days, like the past day, all the time! I love being engaged and planning a wedding but part of me wishes he was here with me, living with me in Grand Rapids, and we were coming home together at the end of the day everyday. I love being with him. Sunday we went to a $3.00 movie. Yesterday we ran errands and grabbed lunch. We went to Ross' baseball game and then came home. We spent the evening playing Yahtzee and coloring!! The $3.00 movie we saw was Date Night -- a great movie and a great lesson brought home. We never want to be a boring couple! We understand that life will throw us curve balls and we will have our days, but we don't want to become just great roommates when we are married. So here is to 327 more days of planning and preparing for a lifetime with my best friend and lover. Putting on my rain boots and a ball cap.